Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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