Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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