Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
