the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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