no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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