i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found puke in my bra..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
