Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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