I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
