the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
