so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
