I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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