But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
