I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
