Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
