Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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