Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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