Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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