I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
