Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
two words: eviction party
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
