____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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