guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
