Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
