I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
