I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
