i think i have two assholes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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