...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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