yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MIDGETS
????
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize