What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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