in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
