what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He did a backflip because drugs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
