When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
