You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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