can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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