its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
