what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
