the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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