i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
