I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
