Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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