I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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