It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
