Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
