Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
