As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
