A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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