I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
