Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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