drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
