I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
