I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize