highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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