I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
