I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
