Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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