Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
