u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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