Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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