why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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