i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
