The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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