Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
