I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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