Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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