I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize