We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the barista slut.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
