Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
