Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
