The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize