Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
