i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
