It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
