opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
