Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
