What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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