You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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