i would punch a child for taco bell
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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