: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
