I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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